i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
