I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
