The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Randomize
