I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
