Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize