ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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