The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
