You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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