Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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