I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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