he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
