she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
