I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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