This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
