Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
