so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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