oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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