my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
