Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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