why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
