i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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