i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
