Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Let's get the cat blown out
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
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