Just fell off a train. Bad.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
