so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
