it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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