Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
