I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
