i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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