I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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