i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
