Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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