I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
