woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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