I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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