so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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