You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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