also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
