I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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