You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
