In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
