she woke up with a sticky ear
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
