Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
