How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
