I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Watching her eat just hurts me
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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