so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
barbara walters just said penis...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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