My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
