Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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