I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
