Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
