Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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