I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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