I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
