I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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