So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
