I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
