No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
