at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
