That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
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pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize