thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
