I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
