Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
