I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
