your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
