Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
