Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
