i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It's Friday. Sex?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
