There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the condom got lost in my hair
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
