hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
