That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
