Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
